Brand Nugget

A lady struck up a conversation with a marketer.

“Why”, she asked “did you put two Xs in Exxon?”

“Why ask?” he asked.

“Because”, she said, “I couldn't help noticing?”

“Well”, he responded, “that's the answer!”

The Smile File

Who said marketing isn’t fun. Here are some gems I found rummaging through books, scanning the net, chatting up with colleagues and friends, and interacting with professionals, clients and others over the years. Some might make you smile, some might make you think and some might end up doing both. If any of the three happened to you, the quotes have done their job!

'Marketing is what you do when your product is no good'.

'There is only one boss. The customer. And he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman down, simply by spending his money somewhere else'.

'To err is human; to blame it on someone else shows management potential'.

'Price is what you pay. Value is what you get'.

'Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark.
You know what you are doing, but no one else does'.

'People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to'.

'Don't tell my mother I work in an advertising agency; she thinks I play piano in a whorehouse'.

'What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising?
Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public'.

'Well-managed brands live on - only bad brand managers die'.

'In this fast-paced world, today's popular brand could be tomorrow's trivia question'.

'A global brand-building strategy is, in reality, a local plan for every market'.

Marketing Explained

Marketing professors, academicians and theoreticians struggle to explain marketing concepts to layman in an easy-to-use manner. Here is a gem I found somewhere. It explains the key terms in marketing and leaves every reader with a clear idea about what this damn business discipline is all about. Those who struggle to understand the key marketing terms even after reading this deserve to remain a marketing illiterate.

Here is it, Enjoy!

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm great in bed, how about it?” That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a tenner. She goes up and says, "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?” Now, that's Advertising.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow mop up her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?" That's Tele-Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?" That's Customer Relationship Management.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You put on your spring boots and walk around playing Mr. Busy. You put on your best smile and walk around being Mr. Congenial. You fresh all the Thesaurus links in your memory and play Mr. Polished. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth, you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around you playing the Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?" That's Hard Selling.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich. Marry me!" She turns her face towards you. Shit, she is your wife!
That's Competition grabbing your market share.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. That's Customer Feedback.

You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. She comes over and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, how about it?" Now that is the power of Branding!