Friday, July 27, 2007

Shit Marketing

Some things certain marketers do just amaze me – that they were done at all! I can understand a strategy that’s poorly conceived or a tactic that goes horribly wrong. But self-inflicted stupidity is something that never ceases to amaze me.

For instance, if you travel north on TTK Road from Adyar Park, in Madras, you will find a hotel on the right just before Alwarpet junction. The hotel is named ‘One Way’!

What are they trying to say? That you can go in; but you won’t be able to come out???

But the winners in this game, without a shade of doubt, are the marketing wizards of the brand, Kaya Clinic. What did they do? Nothing. Just that they happen to be lead sponsors of a fantastic programme on Discovery Channel titled ‘Seconds to Disaster’.

Ladies and Gentlemen, here is exactly how the sponsorship sounds on the channel:

‘SECONDS TO DISASTER’ IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY KAYA CLINIC.

Now, what are the respected Indian Ivy League MBA’s running the brand trying to tell us? Entering Kaya Clinic is just seconds to disaster???

Shit Marketing!

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Ah Marketing!

Boeing recently launched a new brand of airplane – 787 Dreamliner – in its headquarters, Seattle. In an unprecedented move – for marketing in general and Boeing in particular – the launch event was broadcast live via webcast in nine languages across 45 countries.

In all, the 787 premiere potentially reached 100 million or more viewers, making it one of the largest corporate TV and Internet broadcasts in history.

To date, 47 customers worldwide have ordered 677 airplanes worth a staggering $110 billion making the Dreamliner the most successful commercial airplane launch in history.

What’s the big deal, you wonder.

The launch was meticulously designed to be on 8th July 2007.

So? You ask.

The 787 was launched on 7-8-07.

Ah marketing!


P.S: Americans use month first and then the date. Remember 9-11.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Advertising Sense

An ad team is working very late at night on a project due the next morning. Suddenly, a Genie appears before them and offers to grant them all one wish.

The Copywriter says: "I've always dreamed of writing the great American novel and having my work studied in schools across the land. I'd like to go to a tropical island where I can concentrate and write my masterpiece." The Genie says "No problem!" And poof! The Copywriter is gone.

The Art Director says: "I want to create a painting so beautiful that it would hang in the Lourve Museum in Paris for all the world to admire. I want to go to the French countryside to work on my painting." The Genie says, "Your wish is granted! And poof! The Art Director is gone.

The Genie then turns to the Account Executive and says "And what is your wish?" The poor hapless Account Executive who is fighting a client deadline says with a stern face, "I want those two assholes back here right now."

Monday, July 09, 2007

Retail Sense

A retailer was dismayed when a competitor selling the same type of product opened next-door to him, displaying a large sign proclaiming ‘Best Deals’.

Not long after he was horrified to find yet another competitor move in next-door, on the other side if his store. Its large sign was even more disturbing- ‘Lowest Prices’.

After his initial panic, and concern that he would be driven out of business, he looked for a way to turn the situation to his marketing advantage. Finally, an idea came to him. Next day, he proudly unveiled a new and huge sign over his front door.

It read, ‘Main Entrance’!

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Sales Sense

A keen Texas lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. The store was the biggest in the world and sold everything under the sun.

"Have you ever been a salesman before?" the boss asked during his interview.

"Yes, I was a salesman in Texas," the lad answered. The boss took an immediate liking to him and told him he could start the next day. "I'll come and see how you made out after we close up," the boss said.

The day was long and hard for the young man, but finally it was 5 o'clock. The boss closed up the store and found the lad sitting slumped and exhausted, in a chair. "How many sales did you make today?" the boss asked.

"One," said the lad.

"One?" said the boss, obviously displeased. "Most of the sales people on my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Exactly $101,334,533," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the boss, flabbergasted.

"Well," said the lad, "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook, and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one, and huge one. I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said he was going down the coast. I said he'd probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that fancy 22-foot Chris Craft with twin engines. Then he said his Honda Civic probably wouldn't be able to handle the load, so I took him to the vehicle department and sold him new GMC 1-ton pickup truck."

"You sold all that to guy who came in for a fish hook?" the boss asked in astonishment.

"He came in to buy a box of sanitary napkins for his wife, and I said to him, "your weekend's shot. You might as well go fishing."