Not everyone in India loves cricket. Not certainly the IPL broadcasters and the ad sponsoring brand advocates. What started as a 'Citi Moment of Success' has now reached 'DLF maximum'!
What then explains the addition of utter nonsense like ‘Karbon Kamaal Catch’ or ‘Max Mobile Time-out’? I see two more such nauseating terms being added next year; and a few more after that. All to kill the proverbial goose for a few rotten eggs.
As such, cricket lovers are being forced to hear utter banality that masquerades as commentary and sheer stupidity that goes around as expert analysis. We seem to have a bottomless pit of nincompoops who claim to be commentators and cricketing experts – led by the trying-to-put-that-accent Gavaskar to the non-stop-nonsense Morrison and many other I-have-no-idea-what-cricket-is in between them.
It’s a pity a cricket-loving nation such as ours can’t produce a few good commentators. All we have are those who say stuff that any mentally deranged maniac would murmur.
'That was a great shot’ – Aren’t most boundaries hit that way?
‘The first 6-overs are crucial’ – In which other matches are they not?
‘That’s a lovely ball’ – Are they referring to Preity Zinta’s or Shilpa Shetty’s?
And to top all this diabolical verbal diarrhea comes this brand-new bullshit: ‘Karbon Kamaal Catch’ and ‘Max Mobile Time Out’.
And don’t you harbour hopes that it will stop here. The idiots at IPL are not going to care two-hoots about whether we like or dislike this triteness and are bound to go ahead with more such nonsense in the years to come.
Being the obliging soul I am, I thought I could help the guys at IPL come out with a few more; and in the process help you poor soul to brave yourself and be mentally prepared when they hit you in the next edition of IPL. Here’s my two-bit to the branded banalities that can be bestowed on us next year.
When a captain makes a wrong move: ‘That’s a Fair & Lovely F***-up’
When a dot ball is bowled: ‘It’s a Dabur Dot Ball’.
When there’s a misfield: ‘It’s a Garnier Fructus Goof-up’.
When a run-out is missed: ‘Ooh it’s a Gillette Close Shave’.
When a catch is dropped: ‘Oh boy, lifebuoy’.
If over-branding can kill, we have a mass murderer in our midst - IPL!
