Human Branding!

Branding sure has come of age, in India. Forget whether we have learnt the intricacies of it. Ignore if we have become adept in executing it. Never mind if we have or not mastered the art of it in its highest form. Yet, we have reached the supreme form of branding - branding humans!

I am talking about body shopping! No, am not referring to Naidu Hall, but am talking about the IPL auction. That was human branding at its very best. People buying and selling humans – cricketers they may be, but humans – as if they were packaged goods.

Hello branding!

Amazing, the circus that happened last weekend and sadly I didn’t watch it on TV and caught up with it only through the newspapers. Boy, what an exhibition of brands, branding, buying, selling, pricing, value offers and more. Here are a few things that stood out to me in that brand bazaar.

There were brands that were bought for its sheer badge value. Never mind if the brand was worth it in the first place. Yuvraj Singh for $1.8 million was a joke. I mean he is (was!) a good cricketer and all that but that man has a serious attitude problem. Probably he was paid more for his attitude than for his acumen. Then there was Irfan Pathan going for $1.9 million. Delhi Dare Devils has paid the price of BMW for a Nano!

And there were brands that have gone on SALE. I mean, take the sad case of Michael Hussey – Mr. Cricket to those who know him and I am one too – and he has been sold for a mere $425,000. Contrast that with Robin Uthappa – who went for $2.1 million. Atrocious! The other SALE item was Shaun Marsh – a delicate, dashing and dangerous opening batsman - who was bought by Kings XI for a mere $400,000. That’s Aadi thallupidi to me! And guys; watch out for a guy called Clint McKay bought by Mumbai Indians for a laughable $110,000.

There were a few lessons for consumers in this auction. Never spend mountains of money on one or two players. Kolkata Knight Riders has spent close to $4.5 million on just two – Gautam Gambhir and Yusuf Pathan. One injury, one bad season or a few wrong umpiring decisions and the game is over for KKR. Along with it their season’s hopes! The proverbial don’t-put-all-your-eggs-in-one-basket works everywhere. But luckily for KKR, they have had a few big-ticket items at small prices. Brad Haddin at $325,000 was a damn steal.

Contrast that with the approach of Chennai Super Kings. CSK spent $8.6 million on 18 players! They have not paid exorbitantly to any one individual – minus Dhoni and Raina - yet have managed to pick up strong utility players who can collectively win matches for them. To me, what works for CSK is their belief in building a core team – that plays together for years so they could spend time together, build a bond and play as a team. It’s the only team that pretty much looks the same as the previous years’. That to me is a big plus. Other teams are going to take time to build camaraderie and spirit, but by the time they do it, if they manage to do it all, IPL 4 would be over! CSK has got it bang on: Build a core team Nurture a cohesive culture. And watch productivity soar. Smart HR policy at work!

If there is one other thing that stood out to me – that looked different from the principles of branding – it is the absolute lack of emotion in purchases. Brands are largely bought by the heart and rarely by the head. In contrast, this IPL was bereft of emotion. Royal Challengers weren’t carried away by Rahul Dravid and he was instead carried away by Rajasthan Royals at less than half his base price. The delectable Laxman was not picked by his own hometown. And Ganguly lost his place and pride. Rationality ruled; emotion expired!

Will all these brands – bought and sold - deliver? Therein lies another big lesson for marketers. Perform, and watch your professional fee pump up. Saurabh Tiwary’s base price was a mere $40,000 in 2008; his current pick-up price is $1.6 million. R. Ashwin’s base price two years ago was $30,000 and his current selling price is $850,000. Under promise and over deliver and the consumer would not only hold your brand to dear life, but will even allow you to pick the price you want from his or her pocket!

As an aside: Ironically, this is my 100th post. Glad I have scored a century even if I had taken four long years to score it. Guess I have played like Rahul Dravid! I know I lack his flair; I have not played by the book like he does. And importantly, I lack his divine grace, incredible amount of concentration and unbelievable levels of determination. Yet, in my own way, I have managed to score a century! And that I know is only because of you.

Thank you, my friend, for reading!

New Year Resolutions

It’s that time of the year again.

The beginning of a new one; a new dawn; a new phase of life; an whole new start………and all other such nonsense!

To me, personally, the fun part of New Year has always been watching people make resolutions. “I will start doing this.” “I will stop doing this.” And what not. Do they seriously mean them? Absolutely. Will they follow them religiously? Absolutely………..not!

I just don’t believe in New Year Resolutions. Not because I don’t have anything to drop, add or delete. But because of my inability to live up to them or execute them. When it comes to New Year Resolutions, I have always had just one: To never have one!

Since I am not going to have one myself, I thought I would do the next best thing - help give a few resolutions for others to follow; to who else but to my own fraternity. Here are a few New Year resolutions to all the marketers and advertisers – present, past and future - that they can adopt for the so-called New Year.

1. I shall not blindly use a celebrity to advertise my brand. I would rather build a brand that becomes a celebrated entity in its own right.

2. I shall not resort to stupid brand extensions and would rather strive to make my brand stand for the generic like Google, FedEx, Bisleri etc.

3. If I am selling a brand to men, I shall not position it on ‘Sexual Attraction’ like Axe, Set Wet, Wild Stone and a million other brands. Agreed, most men have only one thing in the mind. Yet, I will try and discover new insights to base my brand positioning on.

4. I shall not resort to cheap ‘Sale’, stupid ‘Price-offs’ and unintelligent ‘Offers’ to promote my brand and would rather try and build a brand on old-fashioned marketing values like consumer understanding, spotting need gaps, product innovation etc.,

5. I shall not think that the best way to promote my brand is to sponsor the most popular programme or event without ascertaining the level of fit between the sponsored event / programme and my brand like is the case with the stupid Fair & Lovely Fourth Umpire and brainless Airtel Super Singer. I shall explore better ideas like Britannia 50-50 sponsoring the Third Umpire decision.


Do I seriously believe the marketers would do any of these? Not even in my wildest dreams. But what the hell; it always feels good to give New Year Resolutions to others. When they fail, and believe me, they will, I can always make it the topic for my next blog post!

Does it mean my next post would be on December 31st 2011?

Power(less) Brand Strategy

HUL is at it again. They have decided to launch a new brand called ‘Sure’ - a deodorant at a price that is affordable.

Nothing wrong with that. Only that the new brand is being launched at the expense of Rexona deodorant. Looks like HUL is planning to phase out Rexona – eventually. Though the phasing out would initially be restricted onlyto advertising support being withdrawn for Rexona. (Source: News item in Business Line dated May 13th)

Why? Though the news item doesn’t mention I am assuming it is a fall-out of the Power Brand Strategy HUL unleashed a few years ago. Phase out smaller or one-off brands and merge them with a big brand from their own stable so they could have a smaller yet a more focused portfolio of brands.

I might not have the brilliance of the collective minds of Levers, or even be able to match the individual minds of the organization, but I wonder what’s been the hidden logic, if there were ever one in the first place, behind these mergers? Isn’t marketing about creating different brands for different segments? Isn’t why we have concepts like Segmentation, Targeting and Positioning.

By merging brands aren’t they weakening the brands by making it stand for many things. For instance, Denim meant talc at one point of time and was reflected in a fairly strong presence the brand enjoyed in the talc category prior to its merger with Axe. Now that it has been merged, what’s Axe’s market share in talc? Zilch. Don’t believe me? Take this simple test. When I say Axe, what comes to your mind? Deo, women, sex……. But I bet talc is not one that props out, does it? Denim died and along with it a strong talc presence.

Rin, the undisputed leader in ‘whites’, lost it to Tide – not just because of Tide’s brilliant campaign but also, in its own way, because of its merger with Surf Excel. Rin meant ‘whites’; Surf Excel meant ‘dirt removal’. Two different things in the consumer’s mind. When merged, ‘Rin Surf Excel’ didn’t mean a thing - neither ‘whites’ nor ‘dirt removal’. The ‘whites’ segment of the category lost a name and was promptly filled by P&G with Tide. Are you surprised Tide today has twice the market share of Rin? You should be surprised Rin still exists!

Merging Rexona soap with Hamam was another master move to kill one, or worse, both brands. A master move if the competitors had done it to HUL. Pity, it was HUL doing it to themselves. Where is Rexona soap now? Last heard the brand managers at HUL were cleaning the shelves of any remaining vestiges of the brand.

This summer they have merged Pond’s Magic talc with Pond’s Dreamflower talc. Pond’s Magic had not seen advertising support since 2003 summer. What seems to have happened, I surmise, is another exhibition of extreme stupidity in the name of Power Brand Strategy. Pond’s Magic stood for ‘Attraction’ and Pond’s Dreamflower talc stood for ‘Confidence’ and then moved to ‘Beauty’. Post the merger of the two brands the combined entity seems to stand for ‘?’. You see the TV ad and try and figure out, if you can. By the way, both brands are now declining in the market. They are getting powdered by competition, allow me to pun!

I guess, it’s now deodorant time - merge Rexona with Sure so they could do to the brand what they had already done to their other brands so far. Never mind if Rexona is strong now. By the end of the year, if not early, Rexona deodorant would start to stink.

Ladies and gentlemen, that’s the infamous Power Brand Strategy conceived, created and caressed at the citadels of India’s foremost marketing company – Hindustan Unilever.

I am ‘Sure’ you get the picture. Damn my pun again!

Go slow. Sex in progress!

Marketers have always liked making ads that evoke feelings – be it the warm and fuzzy, cute and cuddly kind or the standard ones – that evoke humour, fear or the oldest feeling among them all – sex.

Sex in advertising certainly arouses; but does it arouse an interest to buy? Well, that’s been a moot point.

Sure, there have been a few brands, here and there, that might have used sex in their advertising to succeed, but in general, most marketing theorists and academicians agree sex doesn’t sell – apart from the ones that certain women sell for a living!

But of late, did you notice, quite a few Indian ads have been oozing with sex. Not as blatant as it might get in porn films, but certainly flirting with different shades of it. It ranges from the blatant use of couples kissing in Close Up ads to the undressing of a bride in the Zatak ad to girls feeling their essentials in a few other ads that I find difficult to recall now.

Well, that is one of the problems of using sex in advertising. The consumer remembers the flesh, fizz and frivolous in the ad and not as much the brand name itself.

There who belong to the ‘sex works in advertising’ school of thought, quote Axe to support their point. Agreed, Axe uses sex. But is it in their advertising?

Think. Axe promises sexual attraction, as their positioning platform. Period. Except in one or two of their ads, by and large, Axe doesn’t showcase blatant sex in their advertising. They are smartly left to the viewers’ imagination.

Wouldn’t you agree that’s a smarter thing to do? And more sexier too!

Brand IPL

I know this is a marketing blog – which you might violently disagree with - and I have a few thoughts on IPL 3 – which you might not necessarily agree with far less like. Some of these thoughts might not have anything to do with marketing yet I felt like using this forum to share the same with you.

First and foremost, there is this huge debate about the existence of IPL after Lalit Modi - actually Lalit Kedi (The Tamil word for ‘fraud’). First of all, there is a lesson here for all and sundry. Distance the brand from people, promoters or professionals who run it. Something, I had talked about here a few months back. No one is worried what would happen to Nestle if its current chairman dies. Do you even know who its current chairman is? That’s how it should be. Brand should be visible; not its custodians. Since IPL had been so intertwined with Modi, we are needlessly debating if it would exist long after Modi exits.

Brands need to be persisted with and supported even if they don’t take off in the short-run. Mumbai Indians is a prime example. A team that was languishing in the bottom of the table the last two IPL’s ended up runners this year. It could be due to better team performance et al, but foremost was the support their owners extended to the team in terms of money, bigger buying during the auction etc.,

And hey my hometown won! Not just this year’s IPL – which is great – but what gave me more satisfaction was the fact that Chennai won the Fair Play Award as well. I am quite old-fashioned when it comes to cricket. I like the 70’s and 80’s style of cricket. Play fair. Play to win. Chennai did!

Talking about the final, and for that matter every match played across the country, what a partisan crowd we Indians are. We pride in saying we love cricket. The heck we do. We love our team, whatever that restricted term is; that’s all. If we really love the game, we need to love it no matter who plays. We need to appreciate and applaud opponents when they play better. Every crowd in the country, with the exception of Chennai, applauded just their home team.

The worst was the Mumbai final. Here is a team that comes from behind and wins their home team and not one person stood up and clapped for Chennai. The 50,000 fans that day should hang their heads in shame. Even better, come and watch the Chennai crowd appreciate good cricket – no matter who plays that.

And the worst was when the match got over. During the award ceremony, there was hardly a handful in the stadium to get up and applaud when Dhoni went to pick up the cup. Yeah, I understand it was getting late and all that, but my point is this: Would the crowd have left if Mumbai had won?

If you think every other city would have behaved the same way, I would like to remind you of the 1999 test match when Pakistan won us by a mere 14 runs in spite of that heroic Tendulkar’s effort. It was an agonizing loss after coming so close to victory. Yet, not one person in Chepauk stadium left, me included. We all stood up and clapped as the Pakistan team went around the stadium on a victory lap. We are talking an International Test Match, guys. And we are talking about our arch enemy. Yet, I feel proud to say we stood up and saluted them. It was like saying, ‘We all hate you alright. But you guys won. Well done.’ Shame on the Mumbai crowd.

The final yet again proved, if proof was necessary, how poor a captain Tendulkar ever was and would forever be. People just talk about his not sending Pollard early. But that was just his fifth or sixth big mistake that day. He couldn’t read his own pitch right and picked just one spinner. He couldn’t keep his cool and was seen visibly yelling at his team when things went wrong. Mumbai might have come to the final but that was not Tendulkar’s doing. If so, why couldn’t he bring his team anywhere close even to the semis in the previous two editions of IPL? He is poor captaincy material – that was abundantly clear when he captained India and lost matches left, right and centre – both abroad and at home.

Tendulkar could be a great batsman – of which I have no doubts – but he isn’t a gentleman as he is always made out to be. I could quote instances galore from past but one thing would suffice. In Raina’s second over (when they were 87 for 2) he clearly edged the ball to Dhoni. Remember guys, the ball brushed his glove on the way to Dhoni – something he could clearly have felt. Yet, he turned his back on the umpire and refused to walk. Legally right, yes. But morally? Great batsman, agreed. Good gentleman?

Raina walks when he edges. Dhoni walks when he thinks he is out. Gilchrist walks when he knows he has to go. Isn’t this why this sport was once called a gentleman’s game?

Bullshit Branding

Not everyone in India loves cricket. Not certainly the IPL broadcasters and the ad sponsoring brand advocates. What started as a 'Citi Moment of Success' has now reached 'DLF maximum'!

What then explains the addition of utter nonsense like ‘Karbon Kamaal Catch’ or ‘Max Mobile Time-out’? I see two more such nauseating terms being added next year; and a few more after that. All to kill the proverbial goose for a few rotten eggs.

As such, cricket lovers are being forced to hear utter banality that masquerades as commentary and sheer stupidity that goes around as expert analysis. We seem to have a bottomless pit of nincompoops who claim to be commentators and cricketing experts – led by the trying-to-put-that-accent Gavaskar to the non-stop-nonsense Morrison and many other I-have-no-idea-what-cricket-is in between them.

It’s a pity a cricket-loving nation such as ours can’t produce a few good commentators. All we have are those who say stuff that any mentally deranged maniac would murmur.

'That was a great shot’ – Aren’t most boundaries hit that way?

‘The first 6-overs are crucial’ – In which other matches are they not?

‘That’s a lovely ball’ – Are they referring to Preity Zinta’s or Shilpa Shetty’s?

And to top all this diabolical verbal diarrhea comes this brand-new bullshit: ‘Karbon Kamaal Catch’ and ‘Max Mobile Time Out’.

And don’t you harbour hopes that it will stop here. The idiots at IPL are not going to care two-hoots about whether we like or dislike this triteness and are bound to go ahead with more such nonsense in the years to come.

Being the obliging soul I am, I thought I could help the guys at IPL come out with a few more; and in the process help you poor soul to brave yourself and be mentally prepared when they hit you in the next edition of IPL. Here’s my two-bit to the branded banalities that can be bestowed on us next year.

When a captain makes a wrong move: ‘That’s a Fair & Lovely F***-up’

When a dot ball is bowled: ‘It’s a Dabur Dot Ball’.

When there’s a misfield: ‘It’s a Garnier Fructus Goof-up’.

When a run-out is missed: ‘Ooh it’s a Gillette Close Shave’.

When a catch is dropped: ‘Oh boy, lifebuoy’.


If over-branding can kill, we have a mass murderer in our midst - IPL!

Marketing Maayaajaalam Awards - 3

Time, as is said often, does fly. It feels like we were discussing Marketing Maayaajaalam Awards - 2 just a few weeks back. A year has flown since then, flown fast and furious. It's time for its third convention.

As is the case with this forum, I intend inviting voices and votes about a few categories.

The best brand launch of the year

The best advertising of the year

The worst brand failure of the year

The expected brand failure of 2010

Send in your choices. You can even open new categories if you so wish. Any brand, marketer or advertisement that you feel needs to be rewarded or reprimanded.

The awards close very soon - December 31st 2010 to be precise!

Nah, just kidding. Do send in your entries soon.

And by the way, belated though, wish you a 2010 filled with 2000 fun!

Researchers are being researched

It seems to be the flavour of the month. The hunter being hunted; policemen getting arrested; doctors catching swine flu; and now, market researchers being researched.

It’s been a torrid and troublesome time for market researchers. Too many of their ilk is being forced to face up to their goof ups. Two significant developments these last few weeks have brought the researchers into spotlight. And not for good reasons either.

The first one pertains to radio listenership data in the recently published Indian Readership Survey (IRS). Big 92.7 FM has been shown doing well in cities like Ahmedabad, Jabalpur and Jaipur. Good news to BIG FM you think. Only problem is, Big FM doesn’t even operate in these markets! Even an illiterate lunatic, half drunk and dazed, woken in the middle of the night would tell you something is amiss here.

And you are talking IRS – that’s the largest continuous readership research study in the world with an annual sample size exceeding 2.5 lakh respondents!

A giant goof up to say the least.

The second pertains to another reputed research company - A.C. Nielson - one of the world’s largest retail audit firms. If you didn’t know much about them, this is what they have to say about themselves: We offer an integrated suite of market information gathered from a wide range of sources, advanced information management tools, sophisticated analytical systems and methodologies to help our clients find the best paths to growth.

Their monthly reports, covering tons of categories, spell out what every marketer wishes to know: who buys, what is bought, when it is bought, how much is bought, where it is bought and much more.

What seems to be the problem? Nielson’s clients are increasingly disillusioned by the numbers reported. The sales figures stated by Nielson don’t tally with the sales figures the companies have notched up in the marketplace. If Nielson can’t project my company sales properly, how can I expect them to project others’, they argue. Valid, one has to agree.

And some of them have even stopped subscribing to these expensive Nielson reports. You are not talking any Johnny-come-lately but the big and the best of Indian marketing - Dabur, Godrej and I gather, even Hindustan Unilever.

Nielson, after denying these allegations, have finally promised to look into the issue and sort things out. And so has IRS.

Researchers are being forced to do some serious soul searching!

The Zoozoos are back, but…..

Vodafone is on it again. Their marketing honchos have decided to bring back the Zoozoos.

Is it because they feel it worked for them earlier? In that case, why they dropped it is anybody’s guess.

Is it because their subsequent campaigns didn’t work? In that case, what was ailing those campaigns that this Zoozoo are going to address - is again anybody’s guess.

Or is it because they are worried stiff over the fact that new subscribers seem to be dancing over to Docomo and not visiting Vodafone. If you have been following Telecom reports you would know that Vodafone has been pushed to fourth on the list of brands that has been able to attract new subscribers.

In other words, Vodafone is growing slower vis-à-vis other key brands in the category. Their run rate has fallen, so to speak. And they have brought back their pinch hitters – the Zoozoos – to attract attention and appeal to the new subscribers; in other words, to accelerate their run rate.

Will it work? I doubt.

I say so for two reasons. One, for the very reasons I had outlined in my previous posts, the Zoozoos are attracting attention to themselves and not as much for Vodafone.

Two, this now-you-see-now-you-don’t use of Zoozoos have diluted their impact sufficiently if not substantially. Vodafone probably doesn’t realize the Zoozoos, at best, is just an advertising gimmick with hardly any long-term value.

Did you notice not many have been talking about the new set of Zoozoo ads? In fact, did you even know they are back?

Therein lies the answer!

Men of 'Steal'

We all know our Indian movie makers can never make good movies of their own, exceptions apart, though. Most often than not, they have to pilfer popular playwright’s work, filch Hollywood films, steal scenes and lift ideas from around the world.

The Indian advertising industry is no different and it has always had more than its fair share of thieves and robbers - barefaced souls who have blatantly stolen stuff from foreign ads. And I am not talking about stealing just ad themes or execution ideas; sometimes even ad jingles are brazenly borrowed and silently stolen.

Want proof?

Click on this slick flick…… No marks for guessing the brand though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfiwDRDvgng

As irony would have it, this piece of info was passed to me by a good friend of mine in……………….where else, advertising!

Senseless Marketers and their Sensational Sense of Humour

A career in marketing might be hectic and chaotic; tension-filled and pressure-mounted. But you have to give it to marketers for their amazing sense of humour. They never let their busy lifestyle mar their incredible talent to make people laugh. Just scan the business press and read about the marvelous marketing magic weaved by marketers. It is sure to open your heart, widen your smile and even let you have a deafening laugh. Want proof: here is a comic gem I found in the business press recently.

A Kolkata-based FMCG major is diversifying into cement business and will invest Rs1,750 crore to set up production units in the next three years. “We are diversifying into the cement business, considering the potential and demand of it in the country, particularly in the eastern region. The total investment for the venture will be around Rs1,750 crore for the next three years,” the company’s group director Mohan Goenka said.

As part of the new plan, the company will set up a fully integrated cement plant in Chhattisgarh with an installed capacity to produce 3.1 million tones. He also added the product will cater to the eastern region only.

Oh, by the way, the company in question is Emami.

Now, where is the humour in all this, you wonder? The company is launching its cement under the ‘Emami’ brand name.

Yup, you heard it right. ‘Emami Cement’. What do you say?

I guess it would just be a matter of time before other marketers too get their comedy act together and launch a laugh riot. When that happens, boy we could well expect these: Lakme Housing, Pond’s Shipping, Garnier Fertilizers, Fair & Lovely Steels, Nivea Nuclear Plants and many more.

And, not for a minute, should we underestimate the marketers of industrial brands. Be rest assured; they would come all comic guns blazing to invade FMCG turf. Get all set to welcome: L&T Facewash, DLF Sunscreen Lotion, TISCO Talcum Powder, ONGC Room Fresheners to name a few.

Though strictly not within this ambit, yet as a parting shot, allow me to present my favourite: Harpic Mouthwash!

Docomo’s dilemma

I have always believed, exceptions apart, the state or government should not interfere in the market and should rather let the market decide. Markets are far more efficient in leveling themselves than any government rule or policy can hope to achieve.

This has yet again been clearly played out in mobile telephony. Telecom Regulatory Authority of India (TRAI) was trying to mandate all telecom companies to charge calls on a per-second basis instead of the per-minute basis that they were all following. Telecom companies cried foul and said TRAI was exceeding its brief and was trying to arm-twist them.

While this debate was raging on in the corridors of power, the marketplace, where it all mattered, was witnessing the emergence of something sinister. Docomo launched its services with this very promise ‘Pay per second’.

‘Why pay in minutes when life can change in seconds’ was their war cry. New subscribers and quite a few younger audience – who keep changing their provider – heard it loud and clear and started migrating to Docomo.

Docomo soon became the brand that attracted the most new subscribers in mobile connections. It even overtook market leaders like Airtel and Vodafone in new subscriber acquisition. To throw some numbers, Docomo added four million new subscribers in September alone. And it continues to march on.

Docomo’s spectacular growth has startled the existing biggies and guess what they did. They have started to charge ‘per second’ too. And we are talking all the big brands – Airtel, Vodafone, Aircel, Reliance – who once pooh-poohed this very ‘per second’ manner of charging.

Market forces have achieved silently what TRAI was trying to achieve shouting. Well done Docomo!

But my marketing mind (kindly allow me to claim so) now has a different worry. More a worry for Docomo than it is to me. Docomo was clearly positioned as a ‘per second’ charger. By default and by their design, that’s how they had positioned themselves. Now that every other player is offering the same thing, has Docomo lost its only weapon? Does ‘per second’ billing makes sense for a brand when every other brand in the category is offering the same thing?
 
Agreed, Docomo was the first player to offer it. But when a brand harps on a functional benefit and a functional benefit alone, will it lose its edge when others also offer the same functional benefit?

Remember, the other brands have other stories to tell too while Docomo has just this one to scream about. And something that is not theirs alone, any more.

Is this why Docomo is trying to create a youthful personality to itself through their new ad - guys and girls humming the Docomo jingle in the friendship express? Is that sufficient reason for people to purchase this brand? What do you think?

Oh yeah yaaa ohhh. Docomooohhhhhhh!

Roadblock to nowhere

I don’t consider myself well equipped to write about media (or for that marketing) but a media innovation being praised by all and sundry caught my attention and I decided to make it the topic of this belated post!

If you didn’t know already, on September 17 all consumers who watched any of Star’s 10 channels saw only HUL brands being advertised. HUL had, to use a media term, roadblocked all advertising time and space in Star’s ten channels and had only their ads for the entire day.

The world stopped revolving and exclaimed ‘my god’. The entire nation stood up and applauded the most earth shattering event since this nation became independent. ‘HUL has done it again’, screamed the who’s who of marketing.

Done what? This mind of mine fails to grasp the outcome of all this. So a few million people watched only HUL ads all day, fine. But, how many of them felt they were watching only HUL ads. Or how many of us know which company makes most of the ads that we watch or the bulk of the brands that we buy.

Do we know who makes Oral B?
Do we know who makes Medimix?
Do we know who makes D’Cold?

Do we care to know?

It is not just about a simple case of buying inventory from Star. The premium cost for such a strategy is obscenely high and my media sources say it would have been about 100%. Businessworld magazine estimates HUL’s ad-spends that day at about Rs.1,000 crores!

So what did HUL actually achieve by spending a fortune? People got to see only Surf or Lifebuoy or Pears or whatever that was dished out. To the average Mrs. Housewife it’s just another day of ads on TV. Even assuming she never switched to any other channel– Zee or Sony or Colours - during ad breaks, what would have she got? Agreed, she probably didn’t get to see any HUL competitive ads that day. So what? She saw them earlier and she would be seeing them the next day; the day after. Why need to spend Rs.1,000 crores for this? Isn't this the classic case of putting-all-advertising-eggs-in-one-media-basket?

Has recall of HUL brands increased tremendously post this? I doubt. HUL has yet to comment on that. Knowing HUL, they would have done a study by now to ascertain the impact. Their silence screams the deafening impact of their media innovation. Zilch!

You see, this media roadblock strategy might gain people’s attention if a single brand does it with a single message on a single day. For instance, Hutch used this roadblock strategy in 2007 in Star, when they changed the name to Vodafone. All day, a single focused message that Vodafone wanted to achieve – ‘Hutch is now Vodafone’. Maybe that made sense. But different brands of the same company being advertised on the same day – to the consumer, is just another set of advertising. Spending a fortune on it is strategically foolish and creatively futile.

I wondered why any company would even do this. Was I missing something in all this? So I called my media friend – one of the most respected media minds in the country – certainly one of the few I respect - and posed him this question.

Why would a company spend Rs.1,000 crores on just one set of channels on a single day? Who would benefit?

The soft-spoken friend of mine smiled and said, ‘First, the brand manager would. He or she would show it as something different that they attempted and executed. Secondly, the media agency would have earned brownie points and a fat media commission as well. And thirdly Star TV, which would have made a quiet killing’.

But what about the brands, I enquired. He smiled even more and said, ‘Who cares about them’!

Sound bytes bites!

I have been caught up with work, travel and other such mundane things these past few days. That, coupled with my legendary laziness, is the reason why I have not updated my blog - not that you care I know!

As a stop gap, as a relief to your eyes, yet as a pain to your ears, here's a link to some audio bytes. I was interviewed in Aaha FM - a popular Tamil FM channel in Madras, owned and run by Kumudham magazine - a few weeks back on, what else, marketing.

If you have a few minutes - 45 of them to be precise - click on the link and check out yours truly.

A caveat though: The interview is in Tamil. For those who can't understand it and wouldn't feel like listening to it - lucky you!


http://www.archive.org/details/BadriSeshadriKizhakkuPodcastWeek6
_SatheeshKrishnamurthytalkingtoSatyanarayanonMarketin

The Upside of Slowdowns

It looks like the worst of the economic slowdown is behind us. Some economists have predicted the beginning of a recovery early next year. Agreed, economists get it wrong most of the time. As they say, economists correctly predicted ten of the last three recessions! Let’s hope, for our sake, they are right about recovery.

Everyone and his mistress have talked about the pains and problems with economic slowdowns. Every cloud has the proverbial silver lining. Is there anything for us marketers to learn from this slowdown? I think there is. And here are three.

1. To begin with, most of us were referring to this lull as recession. By God, at least this country of ours was far from it. We were actually growing albeit much lower than last year. We had been growing so fast and so fine all these last ten years or so that most of us were not happy when the growth slowed down. The slowdown made one thing clear to everyone, if ever clarity was needed: ‘We Indians want growth; and growth at a galloping pace. Anything slow and we are not willing to accept.’ For a poor and illiterate country that has just started to embrace open markets and globalization, it’s a heartening thing to note.

2. Premium brands are the ones that seem to take a pounding during economic slowdowns. Honda was hammered. Toyota was traumatized. Mercedes Benz was murdered. But did you notice Maruti managed! While their premium brands slowed down, the company sales itself didn’t. The company’s mass brands grew even if not by much. It clearly shows and comprehensively proves: Don’t put all the eggs in one basket. If you have premium brands in your portfolio, try having mid-sized ones and low-priced warriors too as part of your product mix. Come slowdown, your premium brands would wobble; but your mass brands will wiggle you out.

3. Come an economic slowdown and marketers seem to cut costs – and that includes cutting down on the easiest one to cut – advertising. A study by Business Line has proved that all those companies that actually bucked the slowdown and increased their advertising spend were the ones that actually grew during this slowdown. Makes sense, doesn’t it? When everyone cuts down their noise levels, even if you whisper you are heard loud, by the ones that matter most – customers. Remember, tightening your belt during a slowdown is fine; but too much of a tightening and you start suffocating. Loosen it a bit during a lull and you might well laugh all the way to the bank.

For the sake of all of us and this country, here’ hoping for an early and speedy recovery: Three cheers to the economy, up up hooray!

Customer Disservice

It’s increasingly becoming fashionable for marketers and marketing students to talk about customer service. If you were to sit in any of the hundreds of boardrooms across this country or if you were to attend a marketing class in any of the thousands of B-schools that dot this nation, you can’t help but think there is an overriding obsession with customer service among the past, present and potential marketers of India.

Is it true? Are we obsessed with customer service?

We are not even close. When it comes to customer service, we are light years away. We are probably better than we were during the socialist era of the past but we still have miles to travel.

Let me list two examples here. These are not run-of-the-mill brands that I am talking about. These are India’s most respected. If this is what the best of India has to offer when it comes to customer service, you can work out the math yourself about others.

These examples are not figments of somebody’s imagination. They are as experienced by yours truly!

Tata Sky: If you were to add a new package to your existing list of channels, all you have to do is just SMS from your registered mobile to Tata Sky customer care centre. A piece of cake you say. But wait till you wish to drop the same package and you would realize the shenanigans of Tata Sky. Nah, you can’t just SMS, you have to call only. It would take an eternity to reach a customer care representative. And till you reach that abominable snowman, the Mr. Big foot, be prepared to listen to hours of bilingual barrage promoting Tata Sky’s scintillating subscription packages and promotions.

HDFC Bank: Okay, you need a loan; all of us do and there are these modern and magnificently customer-oriented private banks that would come running if you care to just lift the phone and call. A representative would come home, assist you in filling the forms, help you with paperwork and have your demand draft delivered in less than 48 hours flat. Great, isn’t it? Only till you wish to prepay the loan. Try calling him and he would only ask you to visit their regional office that could be across the town, if you are lucky or could well be in another city. Travel there and your travails have just begun. You might have to wait in queue for hours, if not days. And the best part is when you ask the teller after repaying your loan what happens to your post-dated cheques that you had submitted. With as much expression as a corpse you would find him or her say, “Some post-dated cheques might still be presented for payment, and if it happens do go and talk to the concerned branch.” And before you try reasoning with the teller you would find him/her say, “Speak to the enquiry counter, not here; next. “

Before I sign off, I would like to share with you what I read long ago about a department store in Michigan U.S. Apparently the store has a plaque right at the entrance of the store that serves as directions to its employees and as an advisory to its customers. Here is what the plaque says:

Marketing Rules Here:

Rule No.1: The customer is always right.

Rule No.2: If you think the customer is wrong, read Rule No.1

Where are the Zoozoos?

Not too long ago, all of us were talking about the Zoozoos - this blog and yours truly included, though not in the same way most others did.

Where are the Zoozoos now? Whatever happened to them?

The pug is back. Does that mean the Zoozoos are gone….forever? All this raises more questions than I can find answers.

>> The Zoozoos, I am told in an interview by someone at Vodafone, were brought in place of the pug coz they wanted to create something spectacular since the pug reminded people of Hutch and not as much Vodafone. Now, what caused this change? Why bring the pug back? To remind people of Hutch again?

>> First it was ‘Orange’ to ‘Pink’; then it was Hutch to Vodafone; later it was ‘Pug’ to ‘Zoozoos’; and now back to the ‘Pug’ again. So should we expect another change – ‘Vodafone’ back to ‘Hutch’?

>> Isn’t brand and brand communication all about consistency? If you keep creating colours and characters only to drop them the next quarter, are you not being consistent…….in being inconsistent?

>> If the Zoozoos created huge hype, hoopla and hysteria, why drop them? Does that mean Vodafone now realizes all the noise created was created for the Zoozoos and not as much for Vodafone? Did you notice, all of us were saying ‘Did you see the Zoozoo ad’ and not ‘Did you see the new Vodafone ad’ which is how it should have been in the first place?

Isn’t there a lesson for marketers in all this? There is; and it’s easy to figure out what it is. So easy that it doesn’t bear mention here.

Ad guys or Mad guys?

We all know 20-20 cricket is a funny game. But it seems advertisers and sponsors of the sport are as funny if not more.

The advertisers who had committed advertising and sponsorship monies to ‘ESPN Star Sport’ (ESS) for the recently concluded 20-20 World Cup want them to refund their monies or at least reduce their ad rates for subsequent tournaments.

Why?

Apparently the semi-finals and finals attracted less fans and even lesser eye balls than were expected. You see, India had crashed out of the tournament (and rightly so) and hence the Indian public had lost interest in the tournament and gate crashed in to other parties and had ditched the World Cup. This had affected the fortunes of all the brands that had committed crores of money to ESS. Now, they want ESS to refund their monies or reduce their ad rates for subsequent tournaments.

Does it mean that ESS was solely responsible for India not entering the semi-finals? Should ESS pay for the sins of money-hungry cricketers who masked their injuries, faked good health and screwed up Indian’s chances? Shouldn’t the advertisers realize the possibilities involved in India not making to the last eight before committing their monies? After all, didn’t the same thing happen just a couple of years ago at the Caribbean World Cup when India could not even enter the second stage?

This idea of asking ESS to refund or reduce is sheer stupidity and utter nonsense.

Suppose, if India has made to the semis and, God forbid, the finals and had played Pakistan, and assuming the whole of India had sat in front of the TV and watched it, would these same sponsors pay more than they had committed for the increased viewership? The hell they would.

The advertisers took a gamble and it didn’t pay off. Expecting to get reimbursed for the follies they committed is nothing short of nonsense. ESS should shove the request up the advertisers back. And show their middle finger too for good measure!

This is a true story...

…that happened between the customer of General Motors and its Customer-care executive. It teaches us many things: the importance of customer service, the outcome of thinking differently; and the value of deciphering the bizarre!

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors: 'This is the second time I have written to you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family: ice-Cream for dessert after dinner each night, but the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem.

You see, every time I buy a vanilla ice-cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds "What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?"

The Pontiac President was understandably sceptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well educated man in a fine neighbourhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.

The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, they got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: He jotted down all sorts of data: time of day, type of gas uses, time to drive back and forth etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavour. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store. Vanilla, being the most popular flavour, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavours were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to check out the flavour.

Now, the question for the Engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Eureka - Time was now the problem - not the vanilla ice cream!

The engineer quickly came up with the answer: vapour lock.

It was happening every night; but the extra time taken to get the other flavours allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapour lock to dissipate.

You see, even crazy looking problems are sometimes real. And all problems seem to be simple only when we find the solution, with cool thinking.

Don't just say it is impossible without putting a sincere effort. What really matters is your attitude and your perception.

Remember, ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.

The Zoozoos

Everybody and his uncle seem to love the new Vodaphone ads. I am referring to the series of ads with the zoozoos. You can’t miss them if you follow IPL. They are all over the place.

Being a cartoon lover myself, I enjoyed the hilarity of some of the commercials myself; even more considering the fact that they are not animation but actual people masquerading as cartoon characters. Shot apparently in South Africa, a lot of planning seems to have gone behind to achieve a new perfection in the films. Great show!

But the devil inside me has a doubt. While we love the films for what they are, do we remember what the films are for? Do we know what each of the different ads is trying to say? Here is the construct of a few films. Try and guess what the ad is trying to establish.

A zoozoo comes out of the trial room and screams at another one dressed alike

A zoozoo speaks something in the bottle and throws it at another

Four zoozoos walk on a street together listening to the radio

A zoozoo teasing a crocodile with a fish

Two zoozoos driving a car and crashing at an intersection

Two zoozoos in a restaurant and the girl zoozoo throwing stuff at the other

We know they are all Vodafone ads. But do you know what each of these ads is trying to say? More importantly, how many of us do you think would know what they are trying to say?

The ads are funny and entertaining, no doubt. But on them building awareness about the different value adds of Vodafone, I doubt!